why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
