I cockslap morals
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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