More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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