Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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