is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
