if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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