I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
