What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
