The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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