he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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