He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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