in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize