I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
