She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
