Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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