chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
