Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
