I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
