it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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