ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
