My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
