Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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