I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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