Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
