Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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