Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
