Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
