Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
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You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
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Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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