I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
His nipple licking is glorious
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