I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
