I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
accomplished twins. life is a go
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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