trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Watching her eat just hurts me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
