He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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