Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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