So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
