Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I supernannyed him into submission
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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