He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it's great music for shaving your balls
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
