The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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