My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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