Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize