apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
