12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
