I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
