Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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