you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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