So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
