My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
