put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
