I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
