So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
