Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
