Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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