yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
