Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just gargled with NyQuil
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
