I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
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Mom said you looked used
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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