I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
