I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
they need to just BURY HIM!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
